Journaling
Self-reflection is like grabbing a snapshot of yourself in time. There are many ways to do this. I prefer writing in a personal journal, but I also like to take periodic video journal entries. There’s something about the emotions captured on video that can give a better grasp of your emotional state. Audio journals, video journals, hand written, typed, no matter the method, the goal is the same: to reflect and capture yourself for a moment.
Every once in a while, I will write in my personal journal. I’ve noticed that the more often I post in my journal, the happier I feel overall. The opposite is also true. If I’ve gone too long without an entry into my personal journal, I will typically experience a higher degree of base level anxiety.
So what is the point? I’ve discovered that it helps bring anxiety levels down… but why? To answer that, we have to understand how anxiety is linked to behavior. A quick analogy: watch ants crawling on the ground. A lot of times they will crawl in random directions, presumably searching for food. However, if you find a trail of ants, you can see that they clearly have a direction. Going through life, we are a lot like the ants. It’s hard to tell which direction you’re going, especially if you have a lot in front of you. If somehow you could stop and see yourself from above, you’d recognize when you’re randomly dancing in circles vs. having moving in a clearly defined direction. Self-reflection and journaling are a way of pausing to see where you’re going.
Third Person Perspective
I would like to take this analogy further by noting how useful it can be to view yourself from a 3rd person perspective. How many times have you given a friend or a family member advice which seems so obvious to you, but they can’t seem to grasp it? It’s the same with ourselves. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees when you’re totally immersed. Writing things down on paper can allow you to disconnect from yourself and/or a situation long enough to view it more fully. I understand that sometimes its impossible to detach from our circumstances… But what if you imagined one of your closest friends with the same exact issue. What advice would you give them? It pays to be your own best friend, and it would only make sense for you to follow your own advice.
Honesty
Do we lie to ourselves? Is it possible that in everyday life we are dishonest with ourselves just to ‘make it through’ the day? Probably. I know for a fact that I’ve told myself numerous lies and half-truths over the years because it was more comfortable. It is more comfortable to believe a cozy lie than to face challenging truths. Now this may come down to how you want to life your life. For me, I know that I’d rather face the truth as a healthy skeptic, rather than allow myself to be twisted by lies. If knowledge is power, than believing lies is the opposite.
Our subconscious minds run the show (for the most part) when facing a typical day. Most of our decisions are made for us by whatever our more primitive brains decide. This is based on what it has learned we prefer or do a lot. If this is how we are most of the time, then we are subject to the lies the subconscious will throw our way to keep us appeased. Self-reflective journalling is the key to breaking out of this. Do you really want to know why you do the things you do? You can probably find the answer if you stop lying to yourself.
I know this may sound harsh and bold, but I know that I still tell myself little lies to this day. I’m aware of it, and I try to call myself out on it as often as I can….But its an uphill battle. Perhaps only the most truly enlightened individuals on the planet have mastered this. For you and me? We don’t have to be masters to make a positive difference in our own lives. It’s even easier if you are directing it towards a specific goal.
Pessimism versus Optimism
Know that person that always seems upbeat and positive? I sometimes wish I could be like that person….But then other times I can’t stand them! I know that depending on the situation I can be either… When things are busy or life is spiraling out of control, I definitely feel like a pessimist. If I have been faithfully posting into my personal journal and working towards specific goals of mine, I tend to be more of an optimist. I like to think of myself as an optimist, but I realize that I’m fully capable of getting down on myself and feeling fairly cynical. It’s such a good feeling when I finally discover that I’ve unintentionally been putting a negative filter on all of my expectations…This allows me to slip that filter off. Again, achieved with the help of journaling.
It’s good to periodically check yourself in this regard. Would you rather be a pessimist or an optimist? Which one will lead you in the direction you want to take your life? There’s actually a quick analysis/experiment you can perform to see how you’re doing. Next time you talk to a close friend or family member, what is the tone or subject matter of your discussion? Do you bring up how happy and grateful you are in your current circumstances? Or do you tend to whine and complain about how things could be better?
Do you think you’re a realist? Is there even such a thing? Some people pride themselves on having “realistic” expectations. Having a neutral viewpoint is fine, however it’s rather boring if you ask me. I’ve lived a lot of my life on the fence, teetering between pessimism and neutrality. Having such a neutral viewpoint never motivated me towards action and pursuing things that excited me. I’d rather be excited about possibilities vs trying to predict what will actually happen. My advice is to pick a viewpoint and stay relatively consistent, its easier to pursue goals when your attitude is the one you choose. If you default into an attitude of self-sabotage you probably won’t get very far.
Overall Drive
What is it that you are looking for? Is your subconscious mind driving you towards a specific or vague goal? What kind of life do you want? Have you been living your life in line with your goals and beliefs?
I’ve worked with several people who are driving themselves mad and don’t even realize it. There are also those who know that their behavior is destructive to themselves, but fail to even believe they have the power to fix it! This is the ultimate in self-defeat. Periodic self-reflection is so important in this regard. You may have hopes and dreams that are very attainable, but if you’re actions are driven by self-defeating motives than a self-fulfilling prophecy will likely manifest.
I believe you should choose your own drive. Choose which way you want to go. Don’t just go with the flow if its going to make you frustrated, angry, anxious, sad, depressed, etc. You probably wouldn’t be reading this article if you didn’t see room for improvement. Take a moment to view your actions from above and try to determine your overall drive. Is your drive really to achieve great things or make yourself happy? Or do you think your overall drive is to perform the most convenient actions that will hopefully result in temporary pleasure? I know of very guilty of the latter.
Focus of Thoughts
What do you think about each and every day? Do you think about different things? What are they related to? Focus can be a powerful tool of creation….But it can also be a powerful time waster. Your focus is closely related to your drive, but is more of a passive stream of thoughts. You cannot always control this, but taking a look at it by paying attention to your thoughts is worth the look.
Sometimes I will get lost in thought about a book I’m reading, TV shows, things that happened to me in the past, things I have to do in the future, how difficult it will be to overcome my current situation…..Notice how this can spur an emotional reaction? This probably happens more often than you know. I know that I get anxious when I think too much about the future. The weight of expectation typically brings my mood down a few notches which isn’t great for productivity or even simply quality of life. Your focus is important, and its possible to find ways to improve it and steer it like a ship.
Steering your Life
If you can find ways to self-reflect, than you have the opportunity to influence your entire life path. How could you intervene in your life if you don’t even know what’s going on? Self-reflection is important for self-improvement, it’s really the first step. Find ways to journal, experiment with different types, and keep a strict scheduled frequency. The possibilities are endless.
Exercise
Create a journal. I recommend typing on a laptop or desktop computer. If you need a format or a place to start:
Title: includes the subject matter of whatever it is you decide to write about. Sometimes I go with “Update 9/5/18”
- Things that are going well
- What’s troubling me
- Things I’m confused about
- How I feel
You can literally write about anything you want but if you’re stuck, I think this can be a great starting point. Good luck!