There you were, looking down at him. He seemingly stares right back at you as he clings to the wall. He thought it would be just another boring day, hopeful to snag another meal as it catches on an invisible unsuspecting trap. He decided that the area right between your wall and the desk would be a great location, plenty of open air and just inside the doorframe a nice shadow that would hide any indication of a web. The stare down continues as you tremble. You are about 100x the size of this poor little arachnid, a non-poisonous variety. As you suddenly shift your weight, he bolts a few inches forward, and stops. You suddenly shake with fear. You know that this spider can’t hurt you, yet you are terrified. You aren’t sure if you should squash him….Maybe catch him and bring him outside? That’s a tough one, he could escape and even latch onto your skin!
It may depend on where you live, but where I’m from there are no lethal spiders hanging around in my home. You may find the occasional spider in a corner or door frame. They are just looking to catch some flies, or other little insects. However, I’ve seen so many friends and colleagues shriek and run from these tiny creatures! These little guys really can’t harm you unless you have a rare allergy. It’s interesting how some people have literally no problem even cradling one into their hand. Heck some people even keep them as pets.
So why do we get so worked up over a spider? Is there an innate fear of them? Maybe we’ve learned as a child that spiders are scary lethal creatures. Often times their webs are associated with scary places. Even as an adult, you can be afraid of spiders even though you realize they pose no real threat. Its as if there is something inside you that causes uncontrollable fear. This example can be applied to many other fears and insecurities we have.
The fear comes from the subconscious. The subconscious mind is always present, working in the background running on autopilot. The less you notice it, the better. The subconscious mind’s job is make sure you act and behave according to your beliefs and habits. What do you like to eat? Healthy food or delicious food? Are you on a ‘new’ diet but typically you like to eat for taste? Your subconscious will rebel when your guard is down, trying to tempt you back into breaking your attempt to eat healthy. It also is responsible for principles you believe in. If you have strong religious or political beliefs, anytime you hear an argument that challenges your beliefs, you will probably want to disprove them or come up with arguments as to why they are wrong.
If there is a sudden loud and unexpected noise, typically you will gasp or turn your head in that direction. This is also your subconscious. You didn’t actively decide to check, you just did in that split second.
Who is the Real Me?
So the question becomes who am I really? If the subconscious mind is making my choices for me, do I really even know myself? Sometimes you do, and sometimes you don’t. You know what your favorite color is, what kind of food you like, whether or not you like your current job, your favorite TV shows. But some of the beliefs and ideas that drive you may remain hidden. This includes both the good and the bad, such as tendencies that lead to habitual responses. This could be social behaviors, like when a person eats the last donut and doesn’t throw the box away. People complain about this behavior and he knows he’s guilty but continues to do it anyway. People do funny things at the will of their subconscious mind. You might be guilty of a number of things that you have no idea you are doing! One of my own behaviors was to leave dresser drawers open after removing clothes, and then find them open later and wonder why they were still open.
The fact of the matter is that our subconscious mind is in control most of the time. This can make it really difficult to perceive ourselves when we are out in the real world. We make numerous decisions each and every day and do not realize it. It guides and steers our life in a very specific direction. That direction is the overall life picture you currently have. The subconscious mind has one goal: to keep the status quo. The overall picture of your life tends to remain the same unless you force yourself out of your comfort zone. Don’t believe it? If you were able to chart your thoughts and emotions every day over the course of a month or two, a very apparent pattern would emerge. It’s like your mind has a schedule for thoughts and feelings. This is how your subconscious operates, keeping you mostly in the same circumstances over time.
The Disconnect
So the ultimate disconnect is between who you really are, and who you think you are. This is because you do things you aren’t aware of all the time. You may think you’re a very reserved person, but if you mention a certain topic, you become very bold! This is true of a multitude of things. Becoming more aware of who we really are will allow us to focus our efforts and perspectives on changing things we want. After all, how can you change something if you aren’t aware its there in the first place?
Now that you understand this chasm between you and yourself exists, its time to start observing yourself. Take note of little quirks here and there. A lot of things you can ignore, but if you find yourself avoiding doing things you’d really prefer to do, then you’ve found something important. Usually discomfort is the sign that you’ve discovered something that your subconscious is trying to hide from you.
Human beings are very funny creatures. Our subconscious minds make up stories in our heads to tell us each and every day. These stories drive us in different directions. Its almost as if we are being pushed around without any input as to where we want to go. The truth of the matter is, we can change course at any time! But this requires specific techniques in order to do so. I will post more on this later. For now, give yourself a chance to observe yourself and understand the way your brain works. Your subconscious mind is running the show, but you still have a voice. Observation is the first powerful step to any kind of change. Practice observing yourself, but don’t judge too harshly! Most people are too worried about themselves to notice.